My Book Is Coming Out Soon (What's Next?
So, this happened: My book is coming out soon.
It kind of snuck up on me. I’ve been working on it in little inspired bursts over the past couple of years—never forcing, just following the energy when it felt right. So much so that when a friend recently said, “Nicole… you did it. You really built the life of your dreams, and your book is about to be out in the world,” I had to pause.
He was right.
Somewhere between adapting to a new country (with values wildly different from where I was raised and where I spent the last decade), building a slow, freedom-based lifestyle, and learning how to surf—I had done the damn thing.
I wrote the book.
I built the life I used to daydream about.
And now… it’s happening.
That conversation cracked something open in me. It made me ask: What do I want next?
Because becoming an author was always the dream.
Helping others overcome their fear of doing things differently—that’s always been the mission.
And creating a life where I could sneak in surf sessions between website tech troubleshooting and content creation? Dream achieved.
So… now what? 😂
Honestly? I don’t know exactly. I’ll be promoting the book over the next few months, sharing its message and building a community around the ideas inside. But beyond that? I’m still figuring it out.
What I do know is this:
I love the lifestyle I’ve carved out.
I love the strength I’ve built in my body.
I love how deeply I sleep—even if I’m woken up by a mosquito or a surprise power outage.
I love the version of myself that wrote this book.
Thinking About Writing Your Own Book?
If you’ve got something to say—something you want to share with the world—do it. It’s easier than you think, especially if you’re willing to take a DIY path. Here’s what I used to get mine across the finish line:
Formatting: KDP ebook formatter from Fiverr – $111
Editing tools: ChatGPT Premium ($20/month) + Grammarly Premium ($30/month)
Final edit: VA by Niecy – ($405)
Cover art inspo: Juul Lit – $120
Book-strategy session: Janet Goldstein, free (it was a favor)
Don’t let perfectionism or process hold you back. Start scrappy, follow the spark, and trust the message.
And if you want to follow along on my journey, subscribe to my Exiting the Matrix blog. I’ve got loads of stories, resources, and behind-the-scenes to share over there.
Need to ask me a question about exiting the matrix, website troubleshooting or digital nomadding? Get in touch.
Answer These Questions to Determine What You Want in Life
While friends and former partners are marrying and/or starting families, I’ve been busy riding roller coasters and pretending to be a T-rex at a Polish supermarket appropriately named “Dino”. For anyone who was wondering, it was a scavenger hunt put together for a friend’s birthday weekend, and boy was it fun. Turns out you don’t need to birth children to partake in ridiculous affairs.
Next year - the fun doesn’t stop. In January I have plans to surf in Morocco, hike the Pyrenees, and start exploring the South of Spain in my minivan.
As exciting as my life is, every now and then doubt creeps in, usually after seeing a cute photo of a friend’s baby swaddled like a sausage on Instagram. Or when another friend sends me a photo of the king-size bed she and her partner just purchased. “Cozy,” I respond. Deep down I’m thinking “Sure beats the 70 euro piece of foam I just purchased for my van on Amazon.”
Am I really where I want to be?
Am I really creating the life of my dreams and enjoying the unfolding of it all?
Am I laying the groundwork for who I want to be in five years?
Before I completed the exercise I will soon share below, I wasn’t sure what I wanted from life. Sometimes I felt like living an adventurous life for the rest of my life and sometimes it sounds nice to settle down, raise a little family, and sleep in a ridiculously giant bed with animals snuggled around. What was I to do? Well, I did what anyone going through an existential crisis might do and I enlisted the help of the internet. I Googled something like, “how to know what you want in life”.
That’s when I found a list of questions and spent some time answering them thoughtfully. Afterward, I understood that yes, I am headed in a good direction. I am excited about life on the road and spending time in a climate where the sun is not an anomaly. The exercise helped me get clear about the kind of life I want for myself and validated some of the recent actions I’ve taken to achieve those things. In other words, I am indeed laying the groundwork for a more fulfilled future me. Yippee!
If you have been comparing yourself to others, feeling stuck in life, or unsure about what you want to prioritize in the new year, I highly recommend taking some time for yourself to answer the following questions. Not only will it help you figure out what you want in life but it will also help you determine whether or not your current habits are supporting your ideal future you.
Questions to Determine What You Want In Life
What makes me happy?
What are my needs? Physical, emotional, financial
What are my personal values? Factor in money, travel, hobbies/interests, animals, mental and physical health, time allocation, consistency, communication style
What gives me purpose?
What activities put me in a flow state?
What would I do if there were no limits? Think about the following…
What would I rather be doing?
Who do I want to spend my time with?
Who do I want to help?
Am I in the right location to do what I want to do?
What am I willing to sacrifice to achieve my goal?
How do I define a “good life?”
Who do I admire or get jealous of?
How do I envision the patterns of my life?
What don’t I want?
What drains me mentally and emotionally
What makes me sad
What causes me pain
What are my greatest accomplishments in life?
Since I’ve answered these questions, I’ve also started creating secret boards on Pinterest of homes, clothes, and places labeled “future me”. It’s a virtual vision board that will help me visualize and hopefully manifest some of the goals I’ve yet to attain. If you are serious about making the most out of life, I HIGHLY recommend you do the same!
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What Would This Look Like If It Was Easy?
I was recently listening to a podcast interview with Tim Ferriss when he shared a question he asks himself in his journal often to help him overcome challenges - and it stuck with me. I’ll admit that when I first heard him say it, it seemed too good to be true. How could asking this question miraculously help me make sounder decisions, reduce suffering, and reach greater insights?
I can’t really explain the science behind it, but what I can say is that it works.
Here’s the question to pose the next time you are facing a challenge whether it be at work, home, or in a relationship.
What would this look like if it was easy?
Ferriss says that by asking this question, we open up the possibility of “solving” the problem simply by reframing it.
Here’s how it looks in action:
I recently went through the process of buying a van in Germany. Though I have been living here for over 8 years, I am still not super confident speaking German. I admit that I relied a little too much on my former German partner to help me with bureaucratic issues but now that we are no longer together, I am forced to navigate such challenges solo. Needless to say, I was frustrated. I couldn’t make up my mind about whether or not I should purchase a vehicle I had recently test driven.
But then I remembered to ask myself a question:
What would this look like if it was easy?
I landed on the fact that I couldn’t make a sound decision because I didn’t know enough about cars and what qualifies as a good value. I was fearful that I would end up purchasing a lemon that would eventually drain my savings. This would, however, be an easy decision if I had a friend or family member who knew about cars and could tell me what to watch out for.
I reached out to a few friends who had cars and asked their opinion. Honestly, their answers didn’t do much to help alleviate my indecision, mostly because they weren’t actually looking at the vehicle in person, only reading the same description I had.
And then, as I was walking to the train one day, I passed by a car mechanic. I followed my impulse and walked in and explained my situation (in German) to an employee there. That’s when she told me that they offer a 35-euro inspection for people looking to purchase a used vehicle. After the inspection, they would inform me of any pertinent issues the car may have so that I could make a solid decision.
I felt a huge wave of relief wash over me. Upon leaving the office I texted the guy selling the car and asked if he would be willing to meet me the following day. He agreed.
The inspection came back and everything was overall ok, but I found out that the car does need some important work done before taking it on a major trip. But the good news is that I was able to negotiate the price based on the findings. Not only do I now know what needs to be repaired immediately (as well as how much it will cost) but I am also now aware of what needs to be taken care of in the following months, which gives me a better understanding of upcoming costs associated with owning the vehicle. I was able to purchase the car with a more settled feeling instead of wasting more time weighing the pros and cons of whether or not to buy it.
The next time you find yourself facing a problem or wanting to achieve a goal, ask yourself what it would look like if the decision or solution was easy. Asking yourself this question trains your mind to look for solutions, not just hone in on all the things that could go wrong. It’s likely you just need more information on the topic, which might mean you have to seek out the help of a more knowledgeable person, pay an expert for an evaluation or audit, or find someone who has had a similar challenge and ask for their advice.
There you go - I hope that helps you alleviate your next decision paralysis so that you can spend less time worrying and more time achieving your wildest dreams!
Let me know if you end up using this tip and how it ends up for you!
Well, What Went Well?
A lot of people use the New Year to reflect on the things that went wrong the previous year and use that as fuel to jumpstart their year ahead. While there is certainly nothing wrong with reflection, self-improvement, or setting goals, the previously mentioned way of doing things fails to acknowledge one important thing…WHAT WENT WELL?
We are so damn hard on ourselves.
I had a list of so-called “resolutions” I wanted to share with you, a list of goals and achievements that I want to accomplish. Things from being kinder to myself when I look in the mirror (ageing is no joke, y’all) to some pretty high career goals. But sharing any of that is not going to make me feel good, why? Because it implies that I am not already “enough”. That there is some better version of myself out there if only I would just “get my act together already”. But that’s not fair. It diminishes all the self-work I do every day.
And I work very hard.
Though I don’t operate heavy machinery or mine copper for a living, my mind is always working. I even have a hard time watching drivel on Netflix because I feel guilty, like I should be expanding my mind, or learning something valuable instead. When I carve out time to read it’s almost always something non-fiction for the same exact reason, I have an insatiable quest for knowledge. Not only do I juggle the projects of several clients, I’m also building my own projects in the background. I also make sure to carve out time for exercise, meditation, socializing, romancing, and traveling. So, then why am I so hard on myself? Why do I insist on pointing out the 15 things that went wrong instead of 3 things that went amazingly? Because we are victims of the if this, then that trap. Media, society, our loved ones all do a pretty good job at convincing us that we need this ______ in order to feel _______.
The self-help industry tries to convince us that we need this this mantra, affirmation, yoga pose combo in order to feel healthy.
Instagram influencers try to convince us that we need this slimming tea in order to feel sexy.
Politicians try to convince us that we need more guns, higher walls, and less immigrants in order to feel safe.
The media tries to convince us that we need the perfect ratio of curves in order to feel beautiful.
But the truth is, you don’t need any thing to make you feel any which way. If you know the feeling you want to feel, you are already capable of feeling that way — with or without the side of fear, bling, or insecurity. One easy way to get out of the “new year, new me” trap is by reflecting on some things that went very well last year, things where maybe you surprised yourself or the others around you. Maybe you stepped out of your comfort zone and took your very first singing lesson. Perhaps you joined a dating site or volunteered at a local shelter. Whatever it is, write it down. Reflect on how you felt afterward.
Here is my “Went Well” list:
Budget savvy travel remained high on my list of priorities. This year I managed to go to Milan, Rome, New York, Sedona, Phoenix, Tucson, Philadelphia, Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, The Dead Sea, London, Basel, The Swiss Alps, and Munich.
I was published in a few different places including my first print magazines: a local Tucson magazine and an english newspaper in Berlin
I started my own series of self-empowerment workshops for women including a Yoga Workshop for Period Pain, Website Building Workshop for Women Entrepreneurs, A Budgeting Workshop and a Storytelling Workshop. More to come!
I read one of my personal essays in front of an audience at an event hosted by Clue,my favorite period tracking app.
I made meditation a part of my night time ritual.
I moved into my own apartment. I’ve got big girl bills now, but the peace of mind is worth all of it.
I paid off my student loans…1 year early.
I wrote meditations for a meditation app and currently have a client in the addiction treatment field. Something I’d been wanting for a while were clients that not only aligned with my values but also my interests :)
I took my very first drum lesson!
I started a “no screen” policy for myself 1-2 hours before I go to bed. I use the time to read, take a bath, write, or meditate.
I joined a book club.
Now it’s YOUR turn! What are the things that went well for you last year? What are some things you accomplished or overcame? If you are having a hard time coming up with stuff, scroll through the pictures on your phone. It’s likely you took pictures of the things you were most proud of.
Oh and if you feel like this exercise is “tooting your own horn” — it most certainly is. But guess what? If you don’t toot it, who else will?! TOOT TOOT!
Set Intentions Not Goals
Goals are important but they shouldn’t throw you off balance.
This year I set a few goals. Well, actually I prefer to call them intentions. The term goals gets a bad wrap. It implies that you will sacrifice everything and stop at nothing to achieve them, but my life is truly only joyful when I have balance. Instead of setting goals, I set intentions. And I always make sure my intentions are attached to a desired feeling. "Why do I want to manifest this intention?"
Goals - You set them and obsess over them. You cut things, people, and experiences out of your life to reach them. But once you reach them, you feel dissatisfied instead of inspired. You set another goal and keep up the same pace until you achieve that one. The result? You feel burned out, exhausted, depressed, isolated, dissatisfied, and listless.
Intentions - You set them and forget them. You cut ties with things that no longer serve you or the way you want to feel. You put in an ample amount of "self-work" (things that build an inner strength) including journaling, exercising, spending time in nature, meditating, and cultivating a community of support. The result? A somewhat "magical" manifestation of your intentions which makes you feel accomplished, proud, inspired and energetic.
My intention: The Crow
My desired feeling: Strong
Earlier this year I set an intention. I wanted to be able to do the Yogi crow. Though I regularly practice yoga at home with my girl Adriene and occasionally attend a local group class, I didn’t really think too much about the specifics. Instead I focused on getting stronger and the way I felt during and after I practiced; strong and confident. I also liked how clear my mind was when I practiced, it’s the same way I felt when I go for a run.
I recently started attending a weekly Yoga prevention course. In Germany, your health insurance will reimburse half of the cost of the course upon completion. On my first day, I had a lovely teacher from Italy. The class was small, only 4 of us, so it felt intimate and cozy. We began the practice but I was feeling slightly overwhelmed. It was a faster pace than I was used to. I breathed through everything but I felt like I wasn’t enjoying it. Instead of feeling strong and sexy I was feeling overheated, frustrated and anxious for it to be over.
After 30 minutes or so doing standing positions, she directed the class to sit on the floor. It was then that she explained how to do the illusive crow. The other three entered the position with ease as if they’d already done this a thousand times. The teacher saw me struggling and came over to help me out personally. She calmly explained how to do it,"You have to keep pressing your arms against your legs in order to create tension, otherwise it won't work." I tried again and couldn’t quite get my legs off the floor, but at least I was in the right position. For the first time, I could feel the tension she was talking about.
The other day I went for a run through one of my favorite parks. Instead of my usual route, I felt compelled to take a winding foot path through the meadow. There was a small clearance by a tree that I felt drawn to immediately. Perhaps it was all the colorful butterflies flying around or the fact that this space felt hidden among all the tall grass. Either way, I decided I was going to try the crow, you know, just for fun.
I tried the crow several times but each time I lost my balance. It was then that I decided to record it, just in case. Click here to see what happened next.
Set an intention, attach a feeling to it, and then forget it.
I wanted to do the crow because I wanted to feel stronger. And guess what happened when I hit my target? I couldn’t stop smiling. I felt proud of myself and my body. I couldn't wait to share the news with my best friend and boyfriend. The next day I hit it again, this time holding it for longer. My new found inner strength spread to other areas of my life as well. On the way home, I let go of my handle bars on my bike, something I had convinced myself was impossible due to the shoddy alignment. And guess what? I rode my bike with no hands, grinning from ear to ear. I can't wait to see what other joyful happenstances my inner strength will lead me towards.
Now enough about me, what are your intentions?